It has been almost thirty years since Fredrick and Dianne Caldwell first began to consider adoption as a way to expand their family. Following the birth of their eldest son Daniel, Dianne and Fredrick experienced problems having a second birth child. Knowing they were meant to have a large family, when Daniel was five they approached the Ministry about adopting a child within the foster care system. After going through the Ministry home-study process, they were placed on a waiting list.
While the family had every intention of pursing a Ministry adoption, during the time they were on the waitlist, they became aware of private placement arrangement. A pregnant birth mother wanted to voluntarily place her child for adoption to a couple unknown to her. Today, direct placements require the involvement of a licensed adoption agency, but in 1978 the laws and regulations allowed for private arrangements. Although this adoption did not involve a child in the foster care system, Dianne says the Ministry social worker was still active and involved in providing the Caldwells direction and support when they adopted their son Regan.
The Caldwells were very content parenting their sons Daniel and Regan. Parenting was such a rewarding experience that, after several years, the Caldwells felt they wanted to share their family life with other children in need. Thus, they decided to complete the process to become foster parents. After several years of fostering many children, two-year old Jared and his eleven-month old brother, Brett, came to stay with the Caldwells on a fostering basis. They were joined a year later by their newborn baby brother Nathan. After a few years Jared, Brett and Nathan became available for adoption. After talking it over with their older sons, the family collectively decided they wanted to officially claim Jared, Brett and Nathan into the family through adoption.
As significant changes had occurred since Fredrick and Dianne first explored adoption in 1978, they needed to go through another Ministry adoption homestudy process to adopt Jared Brett and Nathan. It was an overwhelmingly positive experience for the entire family. Dianne states each step was carefully explained, and the family felt ‘at ease’ throughout the in-depth homestudy interviews.
The Caldwells were now a family with five sons, and mom Dianne believed a daughter would be a great addition to the family. After careful consideration, the Caldwells again collectively made the decision to adopt a little girl. In 1997 Belinda joined the family. Two years later, Belinda’s birth cousin Jennifer was in need of a forever family. Again recognizing the importance of birth family ties, the Caldwells made the decision to open their heart and home to Jennifer as well.
The Caldwells had two daughters, but in 2003 they had the joyful addition of another little girl - Rebecca. Rebecca’s parents, who were long time friends of the Caldwells, were experiencing difficult times and they asked the Caldwells to care for her. The Caldwells describe Rebecca as ‘a little treasure’ and she is fully welcomed and embraced in the Caldwell family. Yet, the Caldwells remain hopeful that things can be resolved for birth mom and Rebecca may be able to return home one day, while still maintaining a strong connection to the Caldwells.
Managing the responsibility of caring for seven children definitely comes with challenges. Dianne notes when Jared first came to the home he was ‘ a little tornado with two legs.’ Also, some of the Caldwell children have been prenatally exposed to drugs or alcohol, as a result, have developmental delays - both cognitively and physically. This has meant ensuring that special supports are in place to support the children’s development. The Caldwells have learned to be strong advocates, whether in the health or school system.
As well, Dianne states she and Fredrick have made certain their own home has a strong structure and daily routine so that the children have a stable environment – two major keys to successfully raising children who are hyperactive and fetal alcohol impacted. Dianne emphasises that the most important factor in raising her children has been ‘to let them know that we are here for them unconditionally.’ Dianne asserts that it is vital for families ‘ to allow the children to be themselves and support them to share their thoughts, dreams and goals.’
The Caldwells have also successfully navigated openness with some of their children’s birth family. Dianne and Fredrick admit at first they were tentative about contact, but they soon found clear boundaries were respected by birth family members and the visits were positive experiences for all the children and adults. It took some time, but Dianne now views birth family members ‘as part of our extended family.’ Dianne shares that people sometime enquire whether it is confusing for the children to have so many people in their lives. She responds by saying that the children are very clear about who everyone is, and how each person fits into their lives.
Dianne and Fredrick know they have not chosen the easiest path, but the Caldwells feel their route to building and sharing family life has been extremely gratifying. Dianne states that the children simply ‘stole her heart.’ And this was true again recently. After seven children, the Caldwells felt they still had more love, support and guidance to offer a child. Their adoption homestudy was updated once again. Following the pre-placement transitional visits, the newest member, Kevin, joined the Caldwells permanently. Because of their experience with their other children, Dianne and Fredrick are aware that there will be challenging times ahead. However, they choose to adopt because they know ‘those challenging times are far outweighed by the incredibly memorable times.” Watching their children smile, drying their tears, or giving them hugs are just a few of the wonderful memories created through adoption.
*For privacy reasons, names are fictitious.
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