For Catherine and Karl Ingram, a carefree and comfortable thirty-something lifestyle has become increasingly joyful and fulfilling – if somewhat less carefree – since their daughter Martina joined them.
“From the first time we heard her name, we were instantly over the moon in love with our little girl,” Catherine says.
Martina’s parents describe their adopted daughter, now 5, as “gorgeous” – both inside and out. A physically active child, Martina is also an empathetic, talkative little girl.
She is living proof of the value of a loving, patient, forever family.
Like most first-time parents, the Ingrams faced a few bumps in the transition to parenthood. Adding some complexity was Martina’s prenatal exposure to drugs, which made her easily agitated and difficult to calm as a baby.
Martina was extremely sensitive to stimulation – especially light and noise. Catherine recalls a time when she laughed in Martina’s presence, and the unexpected sound frightened the baby.
When the baby woke in the middle of the night, holding and rocking wouldn’t work – such motion can be distressing to babies exposed to drugs. Instead, the couple had to be very patient and find different ways to reassure Martina that she was safe and loved.
They also understood that Martina was grieving her separation from foster parents with whom she’d bonded.
Challenges aside, parenthood has been a tremendous gift, and the Ingrams say they wouldn’t trade a moment of it. Watching Martina’s progress and growth has been rewarding for everyone.
Earlier this year, the Ingrams began the process of adopting their second child, Bobby, who joined them three months ago.
“We’re a perfect fit,” says Catherine.
In fact, when Bobby was still in his foster home, he described the kind of ‘forever family’ he would want as including “a mom, dad, older sister and a cat.” The Ingrams fit the bill perfectly.
The bonding process between Bobby and his family is going very well. Still, like Martina, Bobby has experienced grief and loss following his separation from his long-term foster parents.
Catherine and Karl felt prepared for this by their previous experience, as well as the education and support they received through the Ministry of Children and Family Development and the Adoptive Families Association. To help him deal with attachment issues, Bobby also receives support through a play therapist in his community.
Bright, curious, spirited and expressive, Bobby presents as a typical five-year old. He is meeting all developmental milestones. Still, Catherine and Karl realize his prenatal exposure to drugs means some special needs may surface down the road.
Naturally, the Ingrams are committed to supporting Bobby through any challenges, and they look forward to celebrating all of their son’s achievements with him.
“Adopting children means learning about their early history and finding ways to best support them through grief and loss issues in the short term, as well as any ongoing difficulties,” Catherine explains.
Catherine warns that prospective adoptive parents need to accept that adoption isn’t a straightforward process. In addition to becoming educated about special needs, adoption often also entails supporting some form of contact with your child’s birth family.
“Ultimately, your heart needs to be especially open and accepting. And when your heart is welcoming, the rewards of adoption are endless.”
*For privacy reasons, names are fictitious.
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