Vicki Peterson is a single parent. She has four children: three adopted and one biological. She's aboriginal and works in a community agency. The kids are of Aboriginal and Inuit descent and are related. Two of them are special needs.
Vicki didn't plan to adopt Chris, Ray and Donna. Through her work in the community, she knew the birth family. When the children were apprehended, the two birthmothers and the Ministry asked her to adopt. Her husband Ben was still alive. They were a good team and decided they could handle it. Suddenly they had three extra kids-all of them in diapers. Ben stayed home to care for the children.
It was a challenging time. Chris and Ray had developmental delays and Donna hardly slept. Certain things would trigger the kids and it wasn't always easy to find out what the triggers were. "It helps if you know a bit about the children's history-factual, emotional and spiritual" says Vicki "but don't pity them. You can't undo what's happened." Over time, Vicki and Ben were able to piece together some of the history that led to the children's current behaviour.
Together Vicki and Ben developed survival strategies. They had structure and a schedule but were also prepared to be flexible. If something didn't work, they didn't take it personally. "Don't try to change every area at once" says Vicki, "It's a lifetime of learning for the children." For their part, Vicki and Ben learned not to try to "fix" everything in 24 hours. Instead they set priorities and stuck to them.
A little over three years ago Ben died. Vicki took six months off but is now back at work. She has a caregiver to help with the children. "It's possible to be a single parent and work" she says "but you need a flexible schedule."
It's also important to communicate clearly about your needs and get the necessary support. If you're on a limited income, Vicki recommends asking about assisted adoptions and health and education related services such as speech therapy, physiotherapy and tutoring. "Talk to people in your community about what's available. If there's a cost involved, ask the Ministry if it's covered. My social workers have been very encouraging and supportive. They will go the extra step."
"My kids know they need extra help," observes Vicki, "but they have a healthy attitude about it. They keep me young and keep me old. "
*For privacy reasons, names are fictitious.
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