Sometimes, familiarity breeds abiding love.
Five years ago, Terrance and Barbara Simon, a First Nations couple, doubled their family size by adopting Terrance’s little niece and nephew.
They’d known Stephen, who was four at the time, and his three-year-old sister, Christina, since birth. And Terrance – who’d moved from home to home as a foster child – wanted to ensure the children a loving, safe, permanent home, when it was determined their birth mother couldn’t care for them.
“I also saw, based on my own experiences, the immeasurable value of children growing up within their community and building strong connections to their First Nations culture,” said Terrance.
The couple were unwavering in their commitment to parent Stephen and Christina, but the road to adoption had its bumps. At times, the children’s birth mother was verbally aggressive towards her brother and sister-in-law. As well, unhealthy family members had to be clearly told they could not spend time with the children until they did their own healing.
“It wasn’t easy to set these boundaries, but as a father, I wanted to put the kids’s safety first, whatever the issue,” says Terrance.
The rewards of adopting have been tremendous. To curb some aggressive and disruptive behaviours the children displayed at first, Terrance and Barbara used role modeling to teach the children respectful ways to express their feelings. The parents were also consistent and firm in their guidance, yet unconditional in their love.
“It’s an ongoing effort, but we’ve seen positive changes in the kids’ behaviours, and their individual personalities are absolutely precious,” says Terrance.
Stephen is a gentle, patient and kind natured boy. Christina is an affectionate, delightful and thoughtful little girl. When the family goes out to a restaurant, strangers will sometimes comment on how polite and well-behaved both children are.
Like most parents, Terrance and Barbara are committed to doing whatever is required to help their children achieve their personal bests. The children require extra help with school work, and Terrance and Barbara continually work with the school to ensure their children receive the support they require. Both children were exposed prenatally to alcohol and, as a result, have learning difficulties.
Despite their unique challenges, Barbara and Terrance are like most other parents, keeping busy with school activities, attending community events and visiting relatives in nearby towns. The family also regularly travels to pow wows and canoe races.
“Kids grow up fast, so we try to take time to enjoy each stage of their development,” says Barbara.
Terrance and Barbara encourage other First Nations people to consider adopting children from their communities who might otherwise not have a family to care for them. They say the adoption home-study process was a positive experience in which they felt respected.
“Some First Nations people might think their past experiences could eliminate them from adopting,” says Terrance. “Not so. If you’re healthy and a contributing member of the community, you probably have lots to offer a child who really wants and needs a family.”
“People grow and change because of their life experiences. Both native and non-native people need to work together and value the significance of our culture. As adults, we all need to make responsible decisions that allow our children to develop within a family who values and loves them.”
*For privacy reasons, names are fictitious.
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